FROM THE CURATE: ON TRUSTING GOD

A little over two weeks ago, I took a drive up to the Hudson Valley. Our cohort of five was to spend the last three days before our ordination to the priesthood together, praying with the brothers at Holy Cross Monastery. That first evening, our retreat leader Canon Masud Ibn Syedullah handed us the words to Frances Ridley Havergal’s 1874 consecration hymn: “Take my life and let it be.” He asked us to imagine ourselves being presented as oblations, our bodies placed upon the altar, to be consecrated alongside bread and wine.

As our ordination drew closer, I had been feeling more and more afraid. I had recoiled when others named this as doubt, because I didn’t doubt God. But I grew more and more aware of how unable to do this I was. I had already begun to pray Havergal’s poem as it was—asking God to “take my life, my hands, my heart”—because it could not be my own hands that would be able to absolve, bless, or consecrate. I was not afraid of God’s will, so much as I was afraid of my own will, my own finitude.

If you’ve caught on to how entirely self-centered my internal monologue was, fear not: I did make my confession before I left the monastery. And I was reminded that this isn’t what I was being asked to say yes to, not by the Church and not by God. When I could not see beyond my very human reasoning, I heard the voice of my seminary advisor, Mtr. Theresa Morgan, who would ask her parishioners seeking her counsel: “But do you trust God?”

I heard God asking me if I trusted Him.

And that I could answer: Yes, of course, I trust God. And I trusted the Church that had tested my vocation with me. I even trusted myself who had articulated my “yes” to God with and in community, even if I could not remember it in my current state of being.

I left the monastery no less afraid than when I arrived, but more accepting of my own fear. More able to say yes anyway, to whatever it is that God is calling me, however mysterious God’s purposes are to us. When we asked our fellow ordinands and our canons to pray for us, I asked that I remember that God’s will in us does not obliterate who we are. “My voice, my intellect, my will” given to God and consecrated by God are still recognizably myself—perhaps even more so.

As Anglicans, we don’t get into the metaphysics of how or when material things (or people) are ontologically changed in the sacraments. It’s a mystery, we say, and most of us are very happy to leave it right there. So I will leave the metaphysics of my ordination and my first Masses to someone else. But I can share that when we ordinands prostrated during the litany of ordinations, we stretched out cruciform, side-by-side, in front of our God, our Church, and our Bishop. And after a week of doubts, and a lifetime of fear and trembling, I thought only: “Oh. This is the easiest thing I have ever done.” I thought that I could stay just like that forever, because I have already practiced giving my life to God just like that—so that my life and, indeed, our lives as Christians might show the whole world the cruciform shape of all life.

The first words that the ordinands say alone during an ordination service are “I am willing and ready to do so.” But it is by your consent and your promise to uphold us in our ministry that the liturgy continues. I am today, by my own power, no more able to perform the acts of a priest than I was two weeks ago. But it is God and God alone who gives any of us the grace and power to do anything, to wake up and breathe every morning. It is Christ alone and Christ’s Body, the Church, which sets aside her priests to pastor, teach, and counsel her people.

Thank you, Saint Mary’s, for the ways that you have communicated God’s love and grace to me in these earliest days of Christ’s priesthood. This has always been true. Yet just as I have always meant the words I prayed, I now mean these words and know God’s grace through you impossibly more. — EL

PARISH PRAYERS

We pray for our sister parish, the Church of All Saints’, Margaret Street, London, and for the Church of Bangladesh, in the Anglican cycle of prayer. We give thanks for the baptism of Tommy.

We pray for those who have asked us for our prayers, for Olutoyin, Katie, Tim, Sara, Mary, Diane, Jared, Daisy, Rob, Judy, Jennifer, Laura, Dorian, Jay, Rita, Courtney, Dennis, Burks, Steven, Blaise, Jon, Jeff, Derick, Phil, Laura, Sue, Emilie, Sharon, Monique, Cassius, Lisa, Ruth Ann, Rosemary, Holly, Becky, Bill, Grady, Violet, Pat, Allen, Giovanna, Ronald, Jose, Ben, Russell, Robert, Sandy, Desarae, David, Tony, Jan, Carlos, Quincy, Leroy, and Margaret; James, Victoria, and Laura Katherine, religious; Lind, deacon; and Tom, Jay, and Stephen, priests.

We pray for the repose of the souls of those who have died, especially Theodore, Jim, and David, and for those whose year’s mind is on September 27: Emily Miller Noyes (1910), Mary Nowlen Wilmerding (1926), Charles Edward Smith (1931), John Scripture Peabody (1940), Rhoda O’Connor (1965), and Howard Patch (1992).

AROUND THE PARISH

Program year kicks off with Michaelmas! — On Tuesday, September 29, our program year begins with a Solemn Mass at 6:00 PM for the Feast of Saint Michael and All Angels. The full choir returns this evening after a summer of quartets. Our guest preacher for Michaelmas will be Fr. Kevin Veitinger, priest-in-charge of All Angels’ Church on the Upper West Side. A reception will follow the liturgy.

Transitus of St. Francis — The Society of St. Francis will offer a Transitus service at Saint Mary’s on Saturday, October 3, at 6:00 PM. This liturgy, which commemorates the death of St. Francis on the eve of his feast day, will be led by Br. Thomas, SSF, along with local members of the Third Order. A simple reception follows. All are welcome.

Adult Formation — Sunday morning Adult Formation resumes with the start of the program year. The first class will be on Sunday, October 4, on Anglo-Catholicism. Please visit the formation page on our website for more details. We meet in St. Joseph’s Hall at 9:45 AM. All are welcome.

Class for Newcomers and Confirmation Preparation — Fr. Sammy will be leading a Companions Class, where newcomers and those preparing for the Sacrament of Confirmation accompany each other in their formation. The class is designed to cover the basics of Christianity and our Anglican tradition. The class will meet on Wednesday evenings starting in November. Please contact Fr. Sammy with any questions and to register.

Blessing of the Animals — In honor of St. Francis Day, we will offer the Blessing of the Animals at 2:00 PM on Sunday, October 4. Please meet us with your pets on the steps of the church by the 46th Steet entrance.

Evensong & Benediction — Our Evensong & Benediction season also kicks off on Sunday, October 4, at 4:00 PM. We offer E&B on the first Sunday of the month throughout the program year. A quartet from the Choir at Saint Mary’s supports us musically. Click here to learn more about Evensong & Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament.

Guild Fair — On Sunday, October 11, after Solemn Mass, we will have a Guild Fair during Coffee Hour. There will be representatives from all our guilds to talk about their guilds and answer questions. Come and explore ways to get more involved with the parish!

Town Hall — On Sunday, October 18, we will gather after Solemn Mass for our next Town Hall meeting. We periodically host Town Hall meetings as a way to discuss aspects of our common life together as a parish. Save the date and look to an upcoming issue of the newsletter for more details about this gathering.

CPR/AED Training — Our CPR/AED training is now confirmed for Sunday, November 8, at 1:00 PM. If you expressed interest to Rick Miranda, but have not confirmed your availability for November 8, please be in touch with him. If you are interested in training, but have not yet contacted the office, please email Rick.

Neighbors in Need: Winter is coming! — It may not feel as if winter is coming, but it is, and we hope to build up our supply of coats and jackets. If you plan to replace your coat this winter, please bring us your old coat now, still in good condition. Our other most needed items are casual clothes: pants and jeans, jackets, tops and shoes—we always need shoes. Men’s clothes are harder to come by than women’s clothes, especially in sizes 32-36. We don’t need professional clothing or children’s clothing. We would also be happy to talk to you about being a volunteer. Please speak to MaryJane Boland or Marie Rosseels for more information or email neighbors@stmvnyc.org. The next Drop-by day will be Friday, October 16.